Can't we go back to the way it used to be?... When playing outside was an evening routine, we didn't care about how much we weighted or what our hair looked like, we couldn't wait to go to school, and we lived in our child-like faith.
Its a harsh reality when you finally realize and admit that the world is a cruel place, its against you and doesn't care about you. Its a blessing and a curse to come fully, face-to-face, with that mind set. Its like finding out, "that your favorite love song was written about a sandwich". Its so easy to get wrapped up in the "world" and lose sight of what is important. I am guilty of it everyday, especially since I got engaged.
Growing complacent is high on my list of worst fears. To stay in one place forever... Gives me the goosebumps, not the good ones. Sometimes when I am at work and like to guess things about people. I like to guess just small, trivial things about them; do they "really" love their job, how many times have they been married, how many places they have lived, are they truly happy, etc. After I think those things, I usually get a sick feeling in my stomach, I usually answer my own questions with negative things like; they've been married 5 different times, they've lived in one place their whole life, they hate their job that was temporary 15 years ago, or no, they are not truly happy. I want to go. I want to go right now. I want to see things that few see, taste things that few taste, I want to see a sunset on every continent, at least once. I want to live my life for God, and not waste it. How do people just stay. Scary thought, sometimes, scares me to the point of almost running away.
So, I am getting married in eight days. Excited, yes! Nervous, YES! I am madly in love with my future husband and wouldn't trade him for the world (which, the world sucks so I will say that I wouldn't trade him for the biggest maple long john in the world). I've never been cared for by anyone else like the way he cares for me, and shows it. We dreamed of a small wedding, in a unique place, and with Billy Buttons. I guess two out of three isn't too bad... not. I am excited to have a bunch of people there to see GB and I give our promise to God, but I'm not excited about the week ahead of me. So much decorating to do, so much more work to be done. Pray for me, pray for strength and pray for peace. Pray for my future marriage as well, pray that it is wholesome, righteous, a testament, full of love, full of trust, and pray that God will provide these things through our faithfulness to Him.
So today was a good day, the best I've had in a week. GB and I were at the Peanut Mill (where we are getting married) ALL day. We swept, racked, pulled weeds, dusted, laughed, listened to music, enjoyed the fresh air, got our hands dirty, ate lunch with my dad and grandfather, played with the puppies, and drank ice water all day. It was just what I needed. It still had some wedding involvement since we were cleaning it to have the wedding but it was relaxing and therapeutic. One of my most favoritest things to do is pull weeds, for real, almost nothing better. I pulled so many weeds today, I left with a joyous heart. Being outside and working was a great opportunity to pray. I've been struggling so much with my prayer life and my Word life lately. Its depressing and there isn't an excuse but I do tell myself its just because I am... busy. Don't get me wrong, I love my Abba, my Yeshua, I just don't feel like I've earned the right to say that I am fully committed to God like I used to be and like I miss being. Today, opened my eyes to Gods beauty and goodness, so I feel like God is still touching me and pursuing me. I am falling for Him all over again.
"The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done."
-Mother Teresa
